Why My life is worse

Problems are normal, but, I have been dealt an unusually bad hand

Why My life is worse - Summary 2009 < 2017

27/06/14 :3:45am Early Am, I woke up early as I do most days, I felt unhappy, like most days so I decided to interrogate myself and summarise why I feel unhappy almost all of the time, I look like a grumpy old guy, because that's what I am - reviewed again, by mistake in May 2015, same :-(

08/05/15 4:25am Summary why my life is so much worse than so many others, I did this as I wanted an analysis why I am depressed - I am not a winger, but anybody has a limit to how much crap they can take. I was successful and popular

I am not getting any help / support / medical attention

1. Dystonia , incurable, painful degenerative disease
2. I can't enjoy a good meal, discomfort and bad stomach, and no money
3. permanent discomfort
4. frequent coughing / choking
5. PIP etc can understand obese scroats need help, but not that I do
6. The only person alive that loves me is a depressed, skint, frigid bunny boiler
7. watching people having a good time and being happy, doesn’t make me feel better
8. I have to keep resting my neck / head
9. numerous pains
10. I realize in reality that any half decent female below 60, doesn’t need a man, she already has the kid, the house, the law, everything, and mugs to fix her car etc, 
11. Main UK supplier now in liquidation, so biz advantage now removed
12. Alternative suppliers are big, faceless Amercans
13. I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day, so am mostly tired
14. I lost my house in the UK when my family sued my company and forced liquidation
15. We don't get invited to social events - I guess because we can't reciprocate, money, dystonia, lack of facilities, and I seem like I am just a grumpy git due to pain
16. I don't understand the world any-more, queers marrying, celebrity farts, millions like it, help for black lesbians etc
17. The abundance of selfishness, greed and back stabbing depresses me, especially women for women events
18. I lost my house in Spain when I got Dystonia ~£400,000
19. Not had sex since I was 40, now 57
20. Even though the UK is overcrowded, the system favors scroats with kids and even encourages them to breed
21. no family - I see others happy with their family - secrets to happiness, spend more time with your family!
22. I feel vulnerable when out as cannot put up a decent fight in event of agro
23. excluded from "family" events
24. Neighbourhood has turned into a party zone, I seem to be the only one working
25. Almost no chance of a nice retirement, re pain and discomfort and money
26. Rules / assistance / help groups / Laws weighted in favour of women and kids
27. aching joints Crohns and Dystonia
28. my property over 50% down in value - another completely lost to the bank
29. Unfair business disadvantage, YM, R&K, Wernerco etc
30. I always fit in the middle bit, in the cracks in the system, salary,age, sex, biz etc
31. permanent cough, no idea why Dr. not interested
32. I have nobody I can discuss problems with - mainly as M is a useless space holder
33. no friends, died and moved - and others avoid you when you sick and / or skint
34. suppliers have no integrity, supply everybody and compete with me themselves -  Business Obstacles / injustice
35. forced to lie, re assets and residency as this is my only hope of living anywhere in the future
36. I have big biz responsibilities 
37. I have to support me and M
38. I am the sick one but have to be the provider
39. People don't understand my Dystonia, and so think I am a winger & lazy
40. I am highly qualified, yet unemployable, too sick, and too qualified
41. Living at Glynis's is an unacceptable situation, busy, inadequate and at her mercy
42. I only earn £671 pcm (€939)
43. I know there are others..But I am the only honest, reliable person I know
44. 17 hours a day of TV (99% of it has to be M friendly too)
45. Everybody thinks I'm living the dream when I am in Spain, but it’s a forced situation, almost exiled, certainly excommunicated
46. I really have no idea what I did wrong to get snookered like this
47. I see no way out
48. My "family" stitched me up with a business in debt -£30K, and  Mum denies any memory of it (company secretary) and my sister resents it, or me for it
49. Since the age of two I just hear praise for my sister (her birth, re baby book etc)
50. My sister never invited me to "family" events she was organising, even when I was a lonely teenager / young man
51. I already lost a property through inability to work properly
52. The "system" favours the females, extra help, default innocent, rape claim 30 / 40 years later
53. gays everywhere; and rubbing our noses in it
54. M gets me hard and falls asleep regularly
55. 16 year old  mums get a free house etc
56. Migrants given priority over me in housing / help
57. Anybody with kids gets priority, regardless of if ever worked, British etc
58. Awake at 4:00am,exhausted by 10:00am
59. If I loose the DWP PIP top-up I can't afford to live
60. I can't go out on my own
61. My Mum / old friend has to help me out financially
62. The more depressed I get the more "friends" distance themselves from me
63. Frequent hospital visits
64. I have to spend my own money on hospital trips and meds all over the UK
65. Permanent pain / discomfort
66. I have an increased risk of getting cancer and dying a painful younger death
67. When I was a kid, I had to be quiet and respect the adults, now I am an adult, its all about the kids and grand kids, I got skipped again
68. resident or non-resident, stuck in limbo land
69. biz can't offer customers what they want anymore, re like "next" order at 10pm etc, delivery tracking etc
70. Life seems so cruel and unfair
71. And The M factor  Why Marie makes me unhappy and depressed
72. I don't understand anything anymore, Big Brother, 50 ways to kill your Mammy etc  Things I don't understand
73. My mother prefers my sister to the extent she is giving her three houses, and all the money, this was decided from her birth 5% to me 95% to her. I wasn't supposed to know until after she had died
74. Regular hospital trips needed which are difficult, painful and expensive, + lost work 
75. If I didn’t get my illnesses I would have been healthy, I eat well, drink a little and am active and intelligent
76. I'm not patriotic or proud, re bad British behaviour, 2016 great British bake off winner, saree cake made by a Somalian woman, UK national dish, curry; even BBC don't speak English and have mostly foreign consultants
77. Pykies, Immigrants, women get priority medical care (GP's etc)
78. Women assumed innocent, extra womens support, womens hostels, sports etc in fact its only the white male that has no help
79. My mother would prefer I was in prison, or dead as my best option and avoid her embarrassment over giving Beverly everything
80. Dystonia limits my energy and working hours, and hence my income
81. Crones also limits my stamina and energy and hence limits my working hours and income

 October 2017 updated

1. Muscle and body mass depletion has reduced my self esteem and ability to defend myself physically, so I am agoraphobic 
2. If I worked in the public sector, teacher, government ,police,NHS etc they would have allowed (if not forced) me to retire
3. I look well, even my GP does not understand and has digs about me looking well
4. My work (And M) situation etc makes it difficult for me to meet / make new friends
5. When I bought my property in Spain I was earning a living wage and the exchange rate was £=€1.47, today it's £1=€1.07
6. I'm so tired but I can't sleep
7. I always try to be good, and do the right thing to other people, but its never reciprocated 
8. I'd like someone to be honest with me and tell me what I did wrong
9. JAW is AWOL
10. Bowel removal looks likely because of cancer
11. 01/10/17 re item 41; Glynis and her husband won't allow my Capita (government health assessment) at their house (that I pay rent on). I have done so much for her Glynis
12. Nowhere to live in the UK, but I need a lot of medical / hospital treatment
13. Apparently there are ~265,000 failed suicide attempts every year in the UK, often resulting in more pain etc Suicide Prevention dignitas
14. Black, Asian, and Minority Ethnic Must be given better jobs, more help with everything (BAME)
15. Gov says Women must be given more help and better jobs, BBC 100 women, women only swimming, we must support women footballers
16. Gov says LGBT must be given more help
17. Gov says BAME will get more help according to UK gov Oct 2017
18. Nowaday, a man wanting to hold and make love with a beautiful woman is  a pervert, but gays guys chasing each others arse holes aren’t perverts
19. The two faced back stabbers seem to do OK, a classic example (but not unique)  my sister, Beverly for example, uneducated, not very intelligent, but is street smart, cunning, and a back stabbing two faced liar, spent a lot of time deceiving our mother, and then inherits 3 houses and tens of thousands of pounds, just by lying and not caring about anybody else, she framed me for damaging furniture when we were kids, I got chucked out of the house and was homeless at 16. She eats and drinks to excess, and yet has good health even at 56, because she doesn’t worry about anything, or anybody
20. The two faced lying back stabbers seem to o well in life, they have money and health, they don't pay there share and save  money, they don't care about anybody else (apart from their own kids, because they are part of them and their arrogance) and so have less stress
21. Women call 610116 if they experience some kind of assault, sexual or otherwise, apparently 1 in 6 had a bad experience on public transport, men too!

Health

• I have permanent stomach ache
• I have a twisted spine, I cannot get comfortable laying down,and look odd and clothes and beer belly  twisted when I stand
• I have no money, paid micro wages
• I have a never ending cough
• Back ache
• strange zit on arse, that hurts and itches
• I can't have time off, even when in hospital or travelling
• sore arse
• I sleep shortly and badly, awake at 4:00am
• I have so many things to get done, but no pay
• hardly any pleasures
• Very tired, very often
• Itchy skin, especially IBW & scalp
• colon cancer?
• Non alcoholic fatty liver disease 
• low immune system

General

• I have heavy biz responsibilities, very well qualified but cannot work in a proper job re health and stuck in Spain
• I miss Benson
• My friends are dead
• When you are alone you are us unhappy as you are, but when you are a "couple" you can only be as happy as the least unhappy partner
• I don't have a family
• It's not a level playing field in battle of the sexes, well in their favour
• Never any hope of any sex, or even a peaceful wank
• My home is inhabitable a 3rd year, selfish renters / tourists / kids / Drunk Twats

Marie

• I have no companion
• Not had sex for <15 li="" years="">
• Only chance of sex is to go thousands of miles, Columbia, Phils, Thai etc
• M only leans on me, I can never lean on her
• M has no friends, and complains to me
• M has full sleep, + my naps
• waste money on pointless hospital trips, and have to subsidise M
• M needs constant fusing and attention
• I cannot get away from M without a fight, and appearing to be  a shit bag to those who dont understand my situ
• I'm so tired of M's daddy issues, even tho I agree he's an arse hole
• There is no way I can get out of my situation in a nice way
• Overbearing women have killed / castarted Squeeler, pickle, Christobel, NAW & Me?
• M is unhappy and shares that too (When you are single you are as happy as you are, when you are married you are as happy as the most unhappy one in the relationship)
• M never goes out so I cannot chiilax, watch TV have a bath / wank etc. but M gets hair washing nights
• All I get every night is M resting her head on my leg so I can rub her back, to help her relax
• Even if M saw this she wouldn't care enough to do anything about it

• Of course, it goes without saying that I feel M is a lot of the reasons (BUT NOT ALL) I am unhappy
• Most times M is pissed or stressed, she throws my illnesses in my face, saying its always about me
• M can't hear me, but always assumes I can here her, 24/7
• Now its too late for me to turn things around